Thursday, October 11, 2012

Vulnerability

newly transferred Rose. . . . .flowers



I've also transferred my attention. . . . to magickloveandhealing. . . . my new blog site at Wordpress. . . . but thought it was time for a visit.

I'm going to attempt to get to the 'core' of my feelings . . . . not just flit around the edges.  I'm good at that . . . flitting. . .  a Mercurial & Mutable nature. . . . makes it easy.

It's not that I don't go deep . . . . yes sirree. . .I do!  But usually in the privacy of my own space . . . and often during these times. . .  massive downloads occur!  And of course . . .  in the privacy of my own secure space . . . I don't make myself vulnerable.

Yesterday was one of those 'Body' days I have . . . . and doubt started creeping in. . . is it ever going to change!  Most of the times I know what I believe . . .  and that is 'everything' can improve . . . . if you take the right steps.  But there are those days . . . when it's all just too present and my body's issues are up front and personal and I find them . . .  a little overwhelming.

I try to distract myself . . . I'm good at that . . .  sometimes it works . . . but it's often not the best thing for my body.  The body's trying to get my attention . . .. it doesn't want me wandering off . . . but sometimes old habits. . . become very stubborn.

But if I surrender to the present. . . . discomfort and all . . . I start to notice things. . . . feelings, emotions. Feelings are familiar . . .  I feel, feel, feel . . . . everything around me. . . . nearly all the time!  But it's those pesky emotions . . . . ohhh I keep a wide berth. . . . we're all good at somethings. . .and not so good at others.

But being familiar with body issues . . .  for sometime now . . . it's not that I'm sick . . . . I'm not (and I don't like the word!!) it's just . . . well, I don't really know what it is. . . . yes, I had Polio as a child. . . . and the word on the web is that as the years progress . . .  new yucky symptoms appear.  But as I've mentioned before in my online ramblings. . .  I'm not too keen on labels . . . a wee bit rebellious . . . well for a Virgo, anyway!

But honestly, I don't think 'things' can so easily be 'boxed' . . . when there's so much often not available to our physical senses.  Take energy for one . . . . it's what everything is made of . .  you, me, the Earth, the Stars . . . the Universe . . . everything.  And energy has a shape, a smell, a form . . . . it vibrates with Life . . . it's palpable and real.  But the ways we've developed in our societies and cultures . . . we've learnt to only accept the physical . . . and that's just silly.  Well science is catching up in somethings.

I've always been what I call 'Energy Sensitive' . .  for as long as I can remember.  I remember 'seeing' and 'feeling' things immediately I arrived here.  Well that's a story for another time . . . . my travel in time. . . . to the moment I was born.  My Mother's father was a Gypsy . . .  so I probably came with an extra dose of 'seeing' . . . . Dad was a bit that way too . . . my brother called it 'The Border Curse' . . .  will have to ask him what he really meant by that.

So back to energy.  . .  it's all around us . . . not just the physical . .  but the invisible.  It's like having on a pair of special glasses . . . . you get to see behind the veil . . . . fascinating. . . . yes. . . . for this little Earth girl.

But as you can see . . .  I quickly moved away from emotions and vulnerability . . . as I said . . . very good at distraction.  Not that energy doesn't play a part it does . . . . 'cause we have Energy Bodies surrounding our physical body. . . . and one of them is the Emotional . . . it's real, it exists . . . . and our Emotion Body is a land in itself.

This 'Land' can be a sensitive one . . . so many emotions experienced in our Life . . . especially when we're young . . . so we can learn to desensitise our emotional antennae.  . .  and lock away the key to this strange amd mysterious Land.

Yesterday . . . . when my body was down for the count . . . . as often happens during these times . . . .'downloads' begin . . . well that's what I call them . . . it's like all this information.  I write and I write, scribbling it down . . .  I love these times . . . almost worth the price (body down).  It's like I go on a journey to different levels of myself . . . flashes of past, future and now . . . and a depth of 'knowing' that reveals many things.

I came close . . . . very close . . ..  to the edge of a very deep well . . ..  I sensed it immediately . . . tears started to well . . . . I understood immediately where I'd arrived.  The deep well of my emotions . . .  didn't stay very long. . . . now I'm not sure if it was only meant to be a glimpse . ..  . or if I shot off real quick!!

But later that evening as I tried to find some comfort with my body .  . . the word VULNERABILITY . . . jumped into my consciousness.  Ahhh . . . that's what it's about . . . . well we're entering virgin territory here . . . . Saturn in Scorpio . . . . now I thought I'd had nothing much more to learn. . . . . silly, silly me.

Have a stupendous day . . . living your precious, precious Life

lots luv . . . .  marilynxxxx

Sunday, April 22, 2012

washed clean from the past. . .a new life begins. . .


Transformation is possible. . .I'm a living example. . . I know, without doubt, healing is available. It's been a massive year. . .down to the depths. . .but that's something that's familiar with Chiron in Scorpio. . and in the 6th house,  body issues predominate (excuse those not so familiar with Astrology).

Astrology has been a part of my life since a very young age. . .discovered it 'accidently' when I was pursuing the psyche.  It made sense to me then, and does to me still. . . .cycles upon cycles. . .they can be understood.

So in this very time and space I sit in this beautiful place, which has played such a major part in bringing me here now.  So many gifts are given, do we really see, how much we are loved. . .and taken care of.

Yes, I guess these current years have been significant for many. . .but the only steering wheel we sit behind. . is our own personal vehicle.  And the great loving hands of the 'creator'. . .with us always.

This incredible place. . .this place I called Mahalia, meaning powerful yet gentle. .and this was before I got to know her.  They called me here, they knew they could help me, I'll be forever grateful to the many who have watched over me. . and guided me. . .to my healing.
You see healing happens on many levels. . not just with our body. . .the 'outer' bodies need healing, before it's possible with the physical.. . the body is the last to heal. . .and may take longer. . . as it vibrates with a much slower energy.

I've seen the Ancestors with my very 'eyes'.. .I've felt their presence. . their power and beauty.  This is an Ancient Land, they still exist here. . gentle and loving with such a powerful presence.

We think we do things for so many reasons. . .but are we guided by the great hand of kindness.  Whose only objective is to see us happy. 

Life is love, I have absolutely no doubt. . .love surrounds me, everywhere I look. . .it's in the air that I breathe and everything I see.  It's been with me since I came to Earth. . .and it will carry me when I need to leave.

I feel blessed beyond belief.

So much has culminated over these last few weeks. . a visit to my old home town, precious time with my beautiful boy. . .a truly amazing healing by Lamar Tendar - 'he's the real deal' the lovely woman said to me when I asked for an appointment. . . and that was another serendipitous experience,
the way I actually got one. It wasn't easy to understand the words but I sure did feel the energy.  .and I know it may sound too good to be true. . .but I actually experienced all my past removed from my shoulders. . .it was actually physical..I felt such a lightness, and I was seeing thru different eyes. . .my life has changed. . my perception now free. . .to be here, here and now.

So as a result of all this 'freedom'. . .something was clear. . .my time here at Mahalia has come to an end. . . .and strangely (from my past) I feel no attachment. .to this incredible world that I have lived in.  I'm ready to pass it on to the next person who needs it. . .and I know they are waiting to receive it.

Yes, it's a very powerful place. . . .beautiful too. . .but my journey is complete. . .and there's another place for me now. A completely new chapter has begun.

Well, being a Virgo, I like to improve, make things better than they were. .. so there's some things I'd like to do. . before I leave.  I like to pass on things as I'd like to receive them.. . . .

So Magickal Mahalia is up for sale. . .anyone reading this who is interested can send me an email. . .at manymagickmoments@gmail.com.

Yes. . .miracles happen everyday. . .the world is full of magick. . .leave no room for doubt. . .we create our reality. . .every single second. And we create our life. . .the life of our dreams.

My dream manifested here. . .almost down to the detail. . .yes, I had plans to do more for more people. . .but that wasn't the plan . . 'they' had for me. . .they just wanted me here. . .so I could heal. . . heal in body, mind and spirit.

Magickal Mahalia how precious you are. . .my responsibility now, to pass this on the right person. . .who I know is waiting.

Love to you all dear souls. . .and never doubt for a second. . that you are deeply, deeply loved.  Yes, it took me many journeys to uncover this wisdom. . but I did, and I'm still living. . .so all is perfect. . .

much love to you all
marilynxxx

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

free to choose. . .


the healer gone
free to choose
what I like
what feels good

no obligations
in saving others
freed from the chains
I've carried forever

I feel so light
I feel so happy
I can choose
my own direction

weight of responsibility
now been removed
buried deep
new life will benefit

I'll have fun
I'll write
I'll see my gorgeous boy
I'll socialize & write stories

plenty of material

I'll swim
I'll dance
I'll go to the movies
I'll sit in cafes
watching the people

I'll have many stories
in need of telling. . .. . .


marilynxxx

Monday, April 16, 2012

I can smell the new. . .

the Magick Tree in the gully

Excitement's in the air. . . .I can smell the newness
Smell is an undeveloped sense of mine. . . .but I guess some smells are subtle. . .
It's like the smell is a feeling. . . a sense of knowing. . . like it's real and tangible. . . .ready for coming

It's exciting when this newness. . . .comes heading toward me
All parts not in place. . .but the essence unmistakable

Sometimes we want things for such a long time
then 'whoof'. . . .they're gone

something new has been born

or is it new

has it always been there
hidden or ignored. . . for other possibilities

as values are pretty solid
and don't travel too far a distance. . .

so I'm excited. . . .a new life is opening
one of balance. . .love and kindness

family and friends
support and acknowledgement

funny how we choose things
we think are important

then 'whoofff' the curtain is risen
and everything changes. . .. .  .

marilynxxx

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Movement a plenty. . .but direction still hidden


We live in times of massive movement. . .
all our levels changing order

many feelings compete for attention

oh my god. . .where am I going
how do I decipher all the information

in this age of mass communication
can distract from internal dialogue
'cause only we know the reason

that we're here
and where we're going

so how to settle
the restless feelings
go here, go there
what is my purpose

many options
present their cases

move back, move back
return to the stillness
the private chamber
deep inside you

only you
know the combination
to unlock the wisdom
you have carried

for many, many generations

needs are simple
wants so basic
follow your voice
understand the language

ask for help
ask for guidance

the light will come
illuminate the pathway

happiness and love
only considered

a peace so deep
saturates
your being

I need to be still
I need to listen. . . .


marilynxxx

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Today the Equinox. . .a day of balance

Mahalia

Today the Equinox. . .a day of balance

Today, I let go of the conditioning of the past
I take the reins of my life, and direct it with love. . .from the source
I sit in Peace, during all my endeavours
I live each moment, anew, blessed with kindness

I know no fear - I feel no hesitation
I trust myself to create my living
I feel loved, I feel honoured
I feel protection and safety

Old ghosts from the past - no longer can touch me

I see, I feel, I immerse myself in beauty
I love, I love - I feel it rushing toward me

Only beauty sees me - only love pursues me
Kindness is my world
Love is my teacher

I understand I create my world
with every thought and feeling
I have behind me much support
all my needs are fulfilled. . .fulfilled a plenty

I have with me my 'family'
all those who have gone before me
they know my purpose, more than I
and they're dedicated to bring it to fruition

You see, we accept the role, we know our part
a part of a very long line of people
The baton is passed - new steps are required
and the 'evolution' continues

I accept my role, I honour my support
I have a team of helpers

Today I am free - free from the past
The ghosts they can no longer harm me. . . .


marilynxxx


Sunday, March 18, 2012

The unfolding continues. . .

beautiful Brunswick Heads

The last few weeks have felt a little heavy (a 'little' did I say). . . now, I consciously try to focus on the beauty, the magick and the 'calling'.  But there are just those times when the clouds come over. . .black clouds at times.  Now being a Virgo with a Gemini Rising (Ascendant in Astrology)I'm familiar with logical thinking and reasoning. . . .well for you Astro buffs, my natal Mercury has Neptune sitting on it. . .so.o.o.o my mind also sees 'other' worldly dimensions.

So when those black clouds start to descent. . .I want to know why. . .so I try, with my mind, to understand and reason.  The mind is great, at times very clever. . .but in other times, it's out of it's depth when it comes to the subconscious.

Anyway this morning I was reading the article (I do a monthly 'Living in the Woodenbong Hills' for The Nimbin Good Times newspaper) I wrote for this months addition (you can see it online). . . .I sounded so grateful and positive.  I wasn't pretending, that's what I was feeling. . .and when I think of it. . .those words often come out of my mouth or thru my words. . . .so who is this one under the clouds, feeling heavy?

What I've found very helpful, (and let me add this was/is not something I always find easy, with such a strong cerebral leaning) is tuning into my body.  Finding a quiet, private place to lie down and take some deep breaths and focus on my body. . .go beyond the chattering in my head. . .and focus on what is happening, what I'm feeling in my body.  It's amazing really, 'cause pretty soon the 'reason' for my current state often emerges instantly.

The body is an amazing gift. . .so incredibly intelligent. . .it holds all the answers for my feelings. . .it's actually creating those feelings to get my attention.

Often times 'things' will arise, that I wasn't even relating to my experience. . .situations and reactions from many years previous. . .particularly from deeply buried, traumatic memories.

So in my desire to be authentic, I need to accept everything about me. . not just the lovely part. . .but also those parts which are difficult.

Intuition is always there, it's just often the voice seems so quiet. . .I don't give it full attention.  These last few weeks, with my sprained ankle, my little voice was giving me messages. . . .but I guess I just wasn't truly trusting them. . . . .an old habit I got into.

I had Polio when I was a little girl. . . and all the things that surround that, then and now.  And I remember reading that someone who had Polio and then has an injury, surgery or traumatic experience. . .  can unleash all the associated memories from the unconscious.  Of course there are physical issues as well. . .with some parts of the body not working. . . .but it reminded me again, to listen to my quiet voice when it speaks to me.

So it was no 'coincidence' (my Father used to say tha often) that I was feeling heavy and low. . .a barrage of old, unexpressed feelings and emotions. . .came rushing to the surface. . .you see the badly sprained ankle was on my 'good' leg. . .so now neither feet/legs were working. . . .and boy did that start triggering unconscious memories. 

Yes, I'm a human being, with frailties, with a heart, kindness and loving. . .I've spent a life on Earth with many experiences. . .some not easy. . . and all of these are contained within me.

My mind is relieved. . .'cause it likes to know the reason.  My body is lighter, 'cause I can release an old emotion. . .my heart is free 'cause I know I'm not those passing clouds. . .I can trust I'm OK and continue to see and praise the beauty.

During these times we find ourselves in, when much is in transformation. . .we too are going thru these changes. . . remember all is one and connected.

So make your body your friend, your therapist. . .go to her when in need. . . .she'll never let you down. . . .she is wise beyond reason.

much love to you all
marilynxxx

Friday, March 9, 2012

The Mirror of the Moon. . .

Last night the Full Moon in Virgo radiated her energy to us. . .here on Earth.

Having discovered Astrology at a very young age. . .I'm very familiar with 'signs' and 'degrees' - the influences of the planets, on us here on Earth.

The Full Moon is special for many of us. . .maybe just because she looks so beautiful.  We've learnt she gives off an energy at this time. . .heightened events have been recorded during this time of the cycle.

What I've discovered, during these Full Moon times. . is that each Full Moon has a distinct energy. . .all unique.  'Feel' her, and maybe you will too.

So I knew the exact 'placement' of the Moon last night. . .18 degrees Virgo. . .sitting on my Sun.  I was also aware that she came on Divine Feminine Day. . .I suspected this was special. . .so was looking forward to honouring her.

But I got blown away by the energy she radiated. . .so familiar to me, like a mirror, a reflection.  Yes we know that the Moon reflects the Sun. . .but last night I experienced it. . .very directly.  It was like looking at myself. . .a quite unexpected event. . .

My first words were "you're a no-nonsense Moon aren't you". . . "I see myself in you, you are me" . . .

"So down to earth yet so high above, so clear. . .so matter of fact, so, 'just is'. . .so earthly and strong.  So sure of herself,so strong, so ethereal. . . a true Goddess.
She likes to withdraw, retreat and renew. . .she exerts a lot of energy. . .when she's 'full'.
She plays in the heavens, then peeps out again. . .when she's renewed her energy. . .there's no stopping her.
She's brilliant, so complete. . .she radiates wholeness. . . my goodness she is beautiful!

There's no doubt that she's the Goddess, she's just so full and complete. . .a part of all life - she's not Earth, she's not Air, she's not Water nor Fire. . .she's the Goddess, she contains all in equal portions.

She makes me smile, I feel so at home. . she is me, looking at me. . in her luminated glory.

So radiant, yet so humble. . .Mars sits not far from her. . .she's bigger than him. . .he's dwarfed in her presence.

She is not of this Earth, she is not of the heavens. . .she is whole, she is one. . .she contains all. . . there's no doubt she's the Goddess.

She's so solid and bright. . .she's full and complete. . .she's just who she is. . .she gives her love freely.

She's separate but amongst. . .she lives in the heavens. . . that's her preference.  She's imbued with Earth energy, she's full. . .and solid, but with an ethereal air, separate and alone. . . . .she just is. . .

The Moon is a reflection. . . . .

much love to you all
marilynxxx